stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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