So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
