Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I lost the right to judge tonight
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
