i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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