It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
