I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize