I want to have your abortion
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
