I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
