I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
