i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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