i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes