Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
