marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.