he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.