I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
there was a trapeze. enough said
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
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He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?