my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex