When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
