i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Bring me that man meat
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
