So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
