I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
