So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
