i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
one two three fourrrrnication!
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
