Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
