But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
