Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
