My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
