Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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