Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize