dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
