***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
