That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
