I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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