he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Randomize
