He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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