I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i love accidental penises.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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