my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
