Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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