how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
