just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
