too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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