quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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