dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
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they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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