the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
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in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
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His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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