Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
