ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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