I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
