She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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