With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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