I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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