Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
