I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
