It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
she looked like the before picture.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
