4 words: hood of his car
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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