Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
