similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
It's never too late to be topless.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
