We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
