in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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