Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
