I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
