i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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