Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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