I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
