I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
