We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
