i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
