I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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