it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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