my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
