Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
