his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
