I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
