This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
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The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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