Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
