Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
