My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
