listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
